Blinded by Perspective

I'm a liar.
This is a fact. It's not a coincidence that I hide from people and I dislike interacting with people.
I don't like reality,  I don't like the way people interact and more than anything else, I don't like the way I live in this world. I love this world. I love the way the sun shines down and I can feel the warmth on my face.

This, is what makes me a liar. This double-sided sword that I live in my life. I try to see everything that I can see, and I try to understand all the I can understand. I try to see things the way you do, and I try to act in a way that's most suitable for you. I watch my surroundings and react accordingly. I'm like a chameleon in that way. I try to blend in. As a result, I lie, I hide my true feelings and I choose to forget what I am.

As a result, there are only a few things that I remember, and they only remain as the things I chose to enjoy. My gaming, my anime and my music. I don't remember why I liked anything else, what I liked about anything else, and if I had truly liked other things. I have friends I trust, friends I rely on, and friends I trust in name, friends I rely on in name.

Ironic that the choice to try to see everything from all perspectives blinded me from the most obvious one, the one I was supposed to see from my position. I forgot what it meant to be me, I forgot the things I learned and taught myself, and I acted various versions of myself to find things. I forgot the things that I had known since I was little, things that I should obviously know by now.

I forgot to enjoy everything I do, because enjoying something is what motivates you to do well. I forgot to enjoy school, I forgot to enjoy life and most importantly, I forgot to enjoy what it meant to be me. I hid myself in a belief that I was special, a thought that I could do something without effort and the very idea I was unmotivated because I wasn't doing what I wanted.

Funny how elementary school kid me would have known that, but stupid mature me tried to act arrogant by looking at perspective and forgot about the most important thing, me.