Glancing Back, Looking Forward

I glance way back and I remember grade 9.
The nervous first day, that new atmosphere.
New encounters, more farewells.
The search for a place to belong and the search for truth.

Then I think back, and I look at grade 10.
New meetings, new love and a new beginning.
Settling in, and tossing things into the air.
Rushing in  head first, reckless beyond comprehension.
Free as a bird and as stupid as a rock.

Then grade 11.
Uncertainty and indecisiveness that betrayed me.
Stupidity of my own that did the one thing I cannot forgive myself of, harming others.
Forgetting what it meant to be me, forgetting my ideals.
Changing into something dark, something that didn't hold true to me.
Losing myself in my own weakness.

Grade 12.
Months of regret, climbing through darkness.
Clawing out of the pit called despair.
New beginnings, new stupidity and new mistakes.
Learning, improving, heading to a new goal.
Walking forward toward tomorrow.

Then...University
A semester of time management, new discovery and freedom.
Yet, more studying, more work and no new beginning.
Just school again, new place and similar people.

Yet, now, halfway in, the road has appeared again, and this time, I head into the unknown, running forward again.