Every individual is different, and the way we interact with others is also this way. So why do you seem to believe that one mindset is correct? That your way of thinking is better than mine? If you fail to even begin to see potential flaws in your own thoughts, you do not have the right to judge others on their actions or beliefs.
You're right, my choice of action may not have made me reach an outcome that I yearned for. However, then that decision would not have been mine, and that certainly would not have been genuinely what I was searching for. Compared to other times when I invested so much into becoming something I wasn't I was much more frustrated by the result. When I chose to act based on my impulses, based on what I believe to be my genuine goals and beliefs, the results are much easier to accept because I was true to myself and I did what I wanted.
I too believed that everything was predetermined by fate. That what would be, would be. But, recently, I've come to realize, fate may pull the strings to make things work out in the end, it is our own believes that make fate work harder for us. Life isn't a wonderful drama where good things come to those who wait, it is the person who makes fate's job easier that fate chooses to help out. Fate may attach a red thread, but it is your job to find what is tied on the other end.
You seem to believe that being patient and waiting is the best strategy. You may be right and I see the possibility of that. I find though that it's not an approach that suits my personality or the way I think. I'm impulsive, reckless and impatient. These are three characteristics I've been hiding and holding down many times. It's much more refreshing to let these characteristics to be my strength and to use them to make me shine more than it is to tie them down and hold me back.
You also seem to think that there will be one person you'll meet that will fit. This is probably the mindset that many people get trapped into. You're right, this may be true. But will you truly know that it is the right person without other experiences, without experiencing pain? People learn from mistakes and experience, that is the best teacher. Even if my thought process is wrong, based on this belief, it will work itself out, so believing or not believing in it will not change a thing. So I'm going to take my chances and push forward, it's part of who I am.
I'm sure I'll need to change, and that I'm not perfect as I am now. But as long as I'm willing to change, there is hope and there can be growth. I also look for different things than you, and that really sets us apart, especially from what you seem to look for. I am much more open-minded and much more willing to try new things and to see different view points. Every person has a lesson to teach and lessons to learn. You can't close doors because you're not willing to accept that people think differently. You can choose it after you've understood it, but to close it before trying is exactly what you've done to my beliefs.
Additionally, my ideals are far above what yours are, and to meet them would be impossible. So I lower them to something realistic to who I am now, but I keep in mind where I want to be, and what I will need to get there. So I can't picture a normal life as a university student or life afterward. I'm aiming much higher, because I want to put my abilities to the test. I aimed to be the very best, even if I can't be the best. Because I won't be satisfied until I try to reach it, but I know that whatever people I meet here, may not follow me there. With that thought in mind, I can't possibly think that far ahead. Maybe it's this belief that shows that I still have maturing to do, or maybe... you've matured past your dreams too early.
I also know what I look for in people is far different than what you seek. I have many issues within myself and many weaknesses I need to overcome. I don't need people to cover my strengths, but I do need someone to share my interests and to be able to balance out my weak points. What I seek from something like this is also far apart, because I seek a companion, someone to speak to about my journey, my dreams, my goals and my aspirations. Someone who will understand my yearning in my path for the top, or even in my goals for tomorrow. But alas, there is no one like that, my path has left me in solitude. Thus, I make do with what I have as I walk this path alone.
This is why all I carry are the memories of the past and the support of others. But in reality, I will walk alone, to achieve a dream that is my own. But don't assume you know what goes on in my head without any idea of what's really spinning in here. I'm not a simple person who fits the mindset of a regular person. I'm an emotional guy, it's part of who I am. I'm not actually a science student, my brain is much more suited for other things, but my analytical thinking skills are far superior to most people.
I want to be free, I want to release my emotions onto this world, but I've yet to find a person who has the emotional or mental capacity to explain them to me. So until then I push on alone, with the hope that I'll meet someone like that. Until then, I will push forward to grasp my ideals. That is who I am.
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