Because I'm Stupid

I can't do this anymore. It feels like I'm getting a paper cut in slow motion and I can't help but watch and wait for it to end. I know it won't be severely painful, but at the same time, I can't help but wait for the moment of pain to hit.

I can't keep forcing myself to act happy when I should just be happy. I can't keep making myself do things for all the wrong reasons. I can't keep staying up late listening to music that makes me depressed.

I don't want to lose myself in your reason or lack thereof. I don't know why I dragged myself here, but I don't know how to drag myself out. I just want to be free.

Maybe though, it's just too much to ask.

Because I care too much. Because I'm not as horrible as I think I am. Because it affects me too much. Because I let it affect me. Because I'm stupid.